THE LOW-DOWN
Name: Victoria
DOB: August 12th, 1991
I like learning, in general. I love reading, writing, singing,, researching other cultures, and music in general. I appreciate medicine and science far more than the average person.
I am an intellectual elitist, and chances are, if you type as if you're having a seizure, I won't like you. I graduated with the PA Cyber Class of 2008, and I am currently attending Chatham University class of 2012 this fall, majoring in psychology. I am also in Chatham's honors program, called the Chatham Scholars, which is a huge honor.
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| DARK SOUL DESIGNS: HOME
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| I FUCKING HATE COLLEGE WRITING 2.
I hate the fact that I have to take it, I hate the book, the class, the professor...
UGH.
My first CW2 paper is due tomorrow. It's fairly short, so I thought, hey, I'll do it Tuesday.
Problem is, since the professor is a wench who apparently is under the impression that everybody uses PCs and NOBODY uses Macs, I CAN'T WRITE THE FUCKING PAPER BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE CORRECT MSWORD TEMPLATE.
AWESOME. MY LIFE IS SO RAD.
so I email the bitch to ask her what I should do. NO FUCKING RESPONSE. I EMAILED HER TWO HOURS AGO.
There is no way in HELL I will be able to finish this paper in time, unless she by the grace of Dawkins emails me back within, like, three minutes.
AKS;HSKJHLJKFDSHJDFSHJKLSDF. FUCKIT.
EDIT: Lasarenko FINALLY emailed me back, so I can get the paper done. Ugh... | | |
| also, i'm sorry for spamming everybody's sub page with my whiney rants. | | |
| stop wasting people's time, you stupid fucking worthless pig.
you don't deserve their caring.
this makes...four or five people you have needlessly bothered.
so fucking selfish.
i don't deserve any of the good things i have.
you fucking take and take and take and give fucking NOTHING back in return.
stupid leech.
you're worthless, a waste of time, space, energy.
five people have come to me voicing their concerns about my eating/exercise habits.
i need to stop talking about it, period.
no more subtle references.
if nobody knows, nobody can worry.
i told him that i used to cut.
fuck, why did i do that?! i just gave him another fucking reason to worry and lecture me.
fuck it.
just shut down.
go into lockdown mode.
don't say anything that could cause people to worry.
pretend everything's okay, dammit, people don't need to hear about your petty fucking problems.
that's not concern,t hat's annoyance.
learn the fucking difference, you useless cow.
they're just humoring you, to try and get you to shut up, because they're fucking tired of hearing it.
last night he posted some of the lyrics to my favorite song on my facebook. (lame, i know, but it's an LDR...what else can you do?)
i really don't think he knows just how much that song resonates with me.
i wish it didn't, because it seems so selfish, wishing that someone cared about me that much.
i don't know if he's just humoring me or just saying it because he knows it's my favorite song, or if he knows the meaning behind it, why i love it.
i hope it's the latter. i desperately hope it's the latter.
i wish somebody would sing me that song, while they hold me and just let me...express everything. just fucking cry until i can't anymore.
i wish i was worthwhile enough for that to ever happen.
and i feel terrible posting these, knowing that people i love might stumble upon these and start to worry...
and i don't want to be a bother...but to be honest, i feel like i no longer have anywhere else to turn. | | |
| more evidence that i just cause trouble for the people i love.
my "sissie," kimmy, wrote a blog about how she's tired of "sharing" peoples' problems.
she might not be saying it explicitly, but i KNOW that she's referring to me (among other people, i know, but still.)
she is one of the very very few people i feel/felt i could completely open up to, and share everything with.
actually, i think she is the only person i can tell absolutely ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, without leaving bits out or sugar-coating anything.
apparently i can't/shouldn't be doing that anymore.
i'm such a bother.
i don't know why i waste anybody's time.
and for those who are wondering, no, i'm not posting any of this for attention.
i need to get these things off of my chest.
and apparently the one person i KNEW i could go to, without being judged, no matter what, etc., isn't that person afterall.
would have been nice to know that a while ago.
i'm so tired of bothering everybody.
of being a burden.
i'm tempted to just say fuck it and completely isolate myself, save other people the trouble of having to deal with me.
things would be better that way, i'm sure. | | |
| you resent me.
it's only natural, i suppose.
i cause you so much trouble, cost you so much money, give you so much stress.
i only ever give you trouble, so i'm sorry.
i'm sorry for being so fucked up
and i'm sorry that i can't see myself the way you see me
but mostly, i'm sorry that you can't see me the way i see me.
maybe then you'd understand.
i'm sorry.
you really are better off without me. | | |
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